Arriving at work today, Try something new today!

Loving work recently I guess leaving Cambridge wasn't so bad?... But I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. It's just when I think about what happened it makes my feel physically sick no matter what I tell myself. Unfortunately I don't think there's any going back to Cambridge for me. But hey at least its Friday.

This is a famous drawing by Banky. It shows a child being stopped from getting the urgent medical facilities that she needs so that a war photograher can get his photo. I think this is disgusting, that poor little girl. This little girl actually reminds me  of another little girl in that same senario; petrified, confused and too young to know the truth.

Unforgiveable

He flew off to some war zone in the arsehole of nowhere, and left me to deal with her. I can’t believe he actually thought that I forgot. He thought I had forgotten how he had left us for months at a time. “It was my job” he says. Well, we all know that’s a load of crap. “That’s not fair” he says. No. How dare he say that’s not fair, what’s not fair is him abandoning me, abandoning her, for his work. His amazing appreciated photos. And then he retired and erased it from his memory and tried to erase it from mine. Cropped all the bad things out like one of his stupid pictures. I can’t bear to think of what else he’s hiding from me. He just makes me so angry. He was silent. For years he was silent but not anymore. I will make him speak whether it’s the last thing I do, no-one else is going to keep something from me ever again. And why won’t he help anyone if it isn’t benefiting him? He can’t even write a check book for god’s sake. They must have sent him another check book, they must have! In fact I’m going to go and look for it right now.

Blast From The Past At Cambridge :(

I am absolutely fuming! I have had the worst day ever! A blast from the past is NEVER good when you’re me. You’re probably thinking to yourself right now ‘what is she going on about?’ well let me tell you. It happened this morning, at around 10 o’clock. I was sitting in my art lesson with my notebook and a pen taking notes about wonderful cultural photography we were being shown. But then it changed to war photography which was all a little too familiar for my liking.  So I start to rummage down my bag to past time, I look up and what do I see? My heart is racing and I feel like someone is strangling me, I try to gasp for air whilst my body is literally burning with embarrassment. On the screen was me. Yes me. Memories began pouring in. Blood, sweat and fear. Before my very eyes a small little black girl holding a women’s hand, crying, standing on top of dead bodies, my own dad’s photography. I grabbed my bag and cradled it in my arms like a baby, swung my scarf around my neck and used my other hand to carry my notebook and pencil case. I rushed out through the door not looking back. How am i going to explain this to my dad or my best friend? I can’t tell them, it’s humiliating. I’ll have to lie, after all you know my famous saying ‘you can lie to anyone but you can’t lie to yourself’. I’m just going to try and pretend like this never even happened! ARGH.

Who is Alex?

My name is Alex and I live in North London, but I was born in Rwanda and was brought over here by my father. I only have one sibling – a brother- his name is Simon and we have been through and witnessed a lot together. I say to my dad that I want and hope to go back to Africa one day, however he isn’t so keen. My dad was a war photographer; he’s done photography in awful and traumatic settings, one being the Rwanda Genocide, hence the reason he doesn’t want me going back. I can’t go into any further detail about that today, maybe another time? Anyway, I’m currently studying at Cambridge University and I absolutely love it. I have a passion for art and my dad says I’m amazing at it, but I haven’t seen him in like 6 months, for all I know he might not even like it anymore. I want to know  my past in order to know where I’m going but I feel like I’m being stopped, like something is being hidden from me. I dunno I’ve just come to a point in my life where I feel like I should be doing more. Honestly I‘m actually really confused and slightly angry. Well, that basically sums up me! Bye guys and make sure you keep reading my blog!

From Alex.

"You can lie to anyone but you can’t lie to yourself”

I read this quote when I was studying in Cambridge and at that exact moment I knew. Rwanda was calling me.